member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
