I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
