your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
