He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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