And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
