And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
