My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
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she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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