that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Still dying that you shit outside
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
