I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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