You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
