That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
