stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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