my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
