no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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