There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
