i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
