Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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