plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
