So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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