my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
