Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?