This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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