Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.