I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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