Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

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(610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d

Replies (55) Good night (7353) Bad night (1279)
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(310): View more from California

Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

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(310): Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/e0xw

Replies (57) Good night (3907) Bad night (713)
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(813): View more from Florida

i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license

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(813): i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license http://tfl.nu/t0ir

Replies (13) Good night (5539) Bad night (651)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?

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(862): so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge? http://tfl.nu/lcjy

Replies (10) Good night (792) Bad night (3236)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

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(404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca

Replies (5) Good night (2880) Bad night (1323)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.

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(570): I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy. http://tfl.nu/0avy

Replies (34) Good night (2786) Bad night (1613)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.

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(608): he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling. http://tfl.nu/i2wo

Replies (10) Good night (762) Bad night (2905)
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(703): View more from Virginia

We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.

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(703): We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day. http://tfl.nu/6fp1

Replies (5) Good night (713) Bad night (2002)
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(619): View more from California

I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

(1-619): View more from California

Very innocently.

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(619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf

Replies (19) Good night (3096) Bad night (705)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?

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(780): Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job? http://tfl.nu/b4va

Replies (7) Good night (713) Bad night (1483)
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(813): View more from Florida

This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.

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(813): This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny. http://tfl.nu/7jk5

Replies (8) Good night (1882) Bad night (546)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember

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(832): came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember http://tfl.nu/t07z

Replies (3) Good night (785) Bad night (737)
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(607): View more from New York

I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.

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(607): I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year. http://tfl.nu/ajj5

Replies (4) Good night (1344) Bad night (440)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment

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(651): I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment http://tfl.nu/g035

Replies (2) Good night (495) Bad night (244)
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(469): View more from Texas

The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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(469): The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us. http://tfl.nu/te9o

Replies (4) Good night (789) Bad night (445)

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