I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop