my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
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I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.