hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah