Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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