I wish I could punch you in the face.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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