The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
