So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
