Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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