I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
