We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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