My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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