I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
