So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
