I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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