What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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