so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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