walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
