We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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