So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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