your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
