Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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