As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
