He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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