Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I want her autograph on my taint
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
