He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They are going to name an STD after you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
