The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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