i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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