Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
