She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
