Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
