Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
