Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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