you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
