Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
