I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
