The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize