Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
