Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
