I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
