let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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