Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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