go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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