walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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