dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
