Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
