ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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