I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
