I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
