is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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