If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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