she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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