Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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