I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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