I hate all girls vehemently.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
im on a boat
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