When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You have to summon your inner elephant
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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