So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
