You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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