apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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