I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
